We Grieve Differently

It's been a challenging journey losing my nephew and now my father. Just when I was navigating the cycle of grief after my nephew, I find myself re-experiencing it with my dad's passing in February. While carrying this pain, I've gained some insight into what not to say, having heard the well-meaning yet dismissive comments that frustrate me.

Grieving is a natural, individual process, and it’s important to honour that. Instead of trying to fix it with empty reassurances like “it will get better,” allow me the space to grieve. I’m allowed to feel pain in this moment; it’s okay to sit with my hurt. There are no quick fixes here—just the power of being present and supportive.

When someone is grieving, it’s important to be mindful of what you say. Here are some things to avoid:

1. “I know how you feel.” – Even if you’ve experienced loss, everyone’s grief is unique. Instead, say, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.”

2. “They’re in a better place.” – This can feel dismissive of their pain, even if meant with good intentions.

3. “At least they lived a long life.” – No amount of time feels enough when losing a loved one.

4. “Everything happens for a reason.” – This can feel invalidating, especially when the loss seems unfair or tragic.

5. “You should be strong.” – Grieving people need permission to feel and express emotions, not pressure to suppress them.

6. “It’s time to move on.” – Grief has no timeline, and healing happens at its own pace.

7. “You have to stay positive.” – Toxic positivity can make someone feel like their grief is unwelcome or inappropriate.

8. “At least you still have (other loved ones, children, etc.).” – No one replaces someone who has been lost.

9. “Let me know if you need anything.” – While well-intended, grieving people may not have the energy to reach out. Instead, offer specific help, like “Can I bring you a meal?”

10. “They wouldn’t want you to be sad.” – While this might be true, it doesn’t stop the sadness from being real and necessary.

Instead of offering advice or trying to fix things, just be present, listen, and offer support however they need